I feel shitty at times. You feel shitty at times. And we often fall pray to amplifying the shitty in these states.
I hate feeling afraid. I hate feeling ashamed. I hate feeling hurt. I hate feeling sad. I want to expel these shitty feelings away. Last thing I want to do is feel them and the last thing I feel like I have time to do is feel them. And often, instead, there is an immediate basic human solution available to me. Cast them onto another person or thing. Let them deal with it. A relationship hurts me, so here, let me say or do something that will hurt you right back. Something scares me in the world, let me build it into hyperbole to make sure it scares you too. I do something wrong and it's not me, it's them, or you, or that thing's fault. I get it. It's an instinct that has been with us since childhood. There's comfort if I'm not alone in feeling what I'm feeling. There's comfort in attempting to deflect feelings somewhere else. There's comfort if you and not me, solve this difficult puzzle. And in a state where I don't feel powerful or in control, which is often the case with these types of emotional states, here's a way I can feel some sense of power and control in casting this feeling over there. And yet, you and I both know this doesn't really work. It doesn't really make us feel better in the long run. It certainly doesn't make the world or people around us better. The only way to really improve things is by bringing in the light, not casting the dark out. Enough. Let's stop making the Earth sick. Let's stop making our partner's hurt. Let's stop killing and abusing and dividing each other. Let's stop casting out pain and suffering where it just lands somewhere else to be cleaned. Let's you and I vow today to deal with our shitty feelings. Let's do our own healing work so only positivity can grow inside and out... we'll all be happier here (and isn't that the point, we all want to feel less shitty feelings!!!!)
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AuthorJosh Stern is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #96003 located in the Bay Area Archives
November 2019
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